Wonder

I sometimes wonder
Why I yearn for the ones I loved,
And love, and those I
Pushed away myself.
The ragged troughs
Of my heart have hardened
Over time I’ve seen
That my hurtful words have
Mostly only hurt me.

And why cannot I forgive every
Little and big
Mistake, the crimes
I commit.
Why cannot I forget, the
Dark me, blackening every little
Red heart and crossing
Out every I love you,
And I wonder why cannot
I change, for the ones I love
Why cannot I.

This is just a jumbled up something I wrote under 5 minutes. Not a very substantial poem, agreed. But true enough.

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Compliments and Appreciation.

Appreciation got to me in so many ways. So many different times in my life, some fake ones, some heartfelt ones, some forced ones. When recently, someone praised me, I got thinking about its after effect. And I realized, so simply, appreciation is the happy key to life. We live to be appreciated, to prove that we are worth all the space we occupy. Yet we are misers in giving other people a few words of worth.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love a good critique. We all want to be pushed with the hard truth, but deep down we love it when someone loves us. We love it when we matter, when we are the centre of the universe for someone (hence all the love for Shahrukh khan in his movies). All we need are a few words, a few smiles, to slog through the bad times.

And then a pretty deep thought ran across my mind- when was the last time I appreciated a person? I have always been a bit stubborn in giving compliments, probably due to the fact that very few things impress me. I am the in-your-face kind of truthful person, who hates sugar coating the truth for her, because I feel I am strong and stable enough to face it. Yet I cannot deny the effect of compliments on me. The yearning for more and more is additive.

The paradigm against compliments is that they automatically arouse wrong expectations. It doesn’t prepare you for what you will face ahead, it doesn’t prepare you for the shoutings your boss is going to give you. It does not prepare you for the reality of life, which is- it is not as simple as that.  Life is so complicated, that sometimes I feel that I should stop thinking about it, to shut it out of my mind, as there is no use doing so. Whatever I feel I can achieve, I cannot. Whatever I don’t want, I get. Whatever I don’t feel strongly about, I end up regretting not feeling so. So the real question is- why am I even writing this article?

Because life is complicated, and beautifully so.  The world is an intricate web, so delicate yet so strong, that we are bound to be attracted to each and every twist it offers. And that is the beauty of it. We can be dissatisfied, heartbroken and frustrated with the world, but we still want to live. We still want to see what it offers to us, and we are ready to face whatever sadness it directs meanwhile, for those few seconds of euphoria. We matter to ourselves the most, and it would be a lie to say that someone else does.

What I am really trying to say is that, we go through a lot in life, only to experience the happiness we feel so rarely. We need to increase our happiness, and decrease that sadness from our lives. Compliments are very powerful tools, and when used convincingly can elevate a person to different heights, can change a person’s perspective, can motivate them so much that they write their second article at late night, when they should be sleeping( yours truly). Compliments are like drugs, the more you get, the more often you want them.

And just like real drugs, they have a huge price. Working hard (yawn).

The Purpose.

Sometimes I wonder if I am nothing but a wasted person. A person who will live for years, will formulate ideas, state opinions, disagree with views, but will fail to make an impact. And it scares me. People often wonder about the purpose of life, and I have too. This then follows heated debates, where one of the many results is, that there is no purpose of life. It is to be lived, meaningful, unmeaningfull, whatever be your preference. You slog through your life, making so many others a part of yours, and in this way, people of the earth are all intervened.

Others say that it is a deciding factor for the life after. Hell or heaven? Life for them is the ultimate test, where if the number of good deeds exceeds the number of bad ones, the said person is rewarded with eternal happiness. It’s called heaven. If I give into the dark world of temptations, lies and deceit, I will undoubtedly rot in hell. I personally feel that this idea is somewhere accepted as a truth by each and every one of us, and even if it isn’t, it is still a relaxing and appealing way to justify the unfairness that we face in our lives here. Your friend cheated in the exam and got better grades than yours? That’s okay, because she will ultimately be punished in hell. This theory destroys negative thoughts felt during a particularly testing time in our lives. Frustrations, jealousy, the feeling of betrayal- we can’t really do anything about it, and so will conveniently assure ourselves that said person will surely not find hell as amazing as he/she is finding life right now.

Of course, the other, more widely accepted theory is related to religion but we won’t go into that. Most religions have the hell-heaven policy in them, and those who don’t usually talk about an afterlife. The bad guys will pay for it in their next life, and their deeds then, will be the deciding factor for their second after life, and it goes on. Though the intellectuals of today will most obviously rubbish this theory (I am one of those), it is still a widely accepted fact by many people across the globe.

I for one do not believe there is much scope in talking about what comes after death, because we really need to die to know that, and none of us want to as of now. The life we live here, on this earth, will most obviously influence the life after, and I have no doubt about it. We can discuss as many theories as we want to find out the truth behind the purpose, our purpose. But that purpose, will have a purpose, and it is our existence. We can never know details of what lies ahead, but we can be prepared for it.

We have a life, so we can make somebody else’s. That is it. This is the truth. And no, I am not talking about producing children. I really want to make something out of the ordinary sad life somebody possesses. I want to make a happy, fulfilling life out of it. This in turn will fulfil me. I will be left with immense satisfaction with what I did, which is that I gave a gift to everybody I could. I gave them the gift of bliss. And there is no better gift than that.

Think about it. If we do keep helping each other, one step at a time, everybody in the world, the end result will be what I can only term as magical. Maybe it is magic, a world of unselfish people. Then, I have a desperate inner need for magic to be possible, or for me to be the magician. Small steps will turn into giant leaps, and we will evolve into a modern liberated society. I do understand that that is nearly impossible, with humans being merely humans, and not gods. Yet I see immense potential in that world, immense. And I see some potential in ours. Maybe we could introduce a speck of magic in ours, instead of heading towards doom. And then, our major problem will be solved. We would have served our purpose, whatever it may be.